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Writer's pictureEbiere Bolu

Why does Emotional Intelligence matter so much?


A mum and child cradling her pregnant tummy looking forward to the birth of a new sibling

Thank you for being here and committed to developing your Emotional Intelligence!


Let's talk about how emotional intelligence (or the lack of it), affects our children.


When a parent struggles to recognise or regulate their own emotions, they might react impulsively or irrationally to their child's behaviour, leading to feelings of inadequacy in the child.


This lack of attunement to the child’s needs makes it difficult to connect with the child as the child feels unheard, misunderstood or unimportant.  


Emotional intelligence really is key to building a strong bond with a child. Without it we miss important signals for comfort and support. 


We are powerful role models for our children. So when a parent struggles with emotional intelligence, we teach our child unhealthy ways of dealing with emotions, like bottling them up or lashing out. This can perpetuate a cycle of emotional dysregulation in the family.


And the big one! Discipline! - Effective discipline requires empathy and understanding.


Without emotional intelligence, a parent might resort to harsh or inconsistent discipline strategies, which can damage the parent-child relationship and erode trust.


A child growing up in these conditions also learns to invalidate their own feelings, struggles to communicate effectively and empathise with others, has poor emotional regulation skills, finds it difficult to handle conflict, experiences increased stress and anxiety, and has difficulty forming healthy relationships now and in adulthood.


Does any of this resonate with you as an adult? Perhaps this was your experience as a child?


So, why does Emotional Intelligence matter so much? 


Well, our relationships shape so much of our lives. Our relationships influence our happiness, success, and overall well-being. 


“The quality of your life depends on the quality of your relationships” - Esther Perel


By nurturing emotional intelligence in ourselves and our children, we laying the foundation for healthier, more fulfilling relationships - romantic, professional, and beyond. 


And without strong emotional intelligence skills, they may face challenges in forming deep, meaningful connections and navigating the complexities of adult relationships.


Food for thought, right?


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